Tit for Tat by Mary Mae Lewis
At dawn, in a rural market town in the Midlands, Stevie swaggered across the market square carrying an ornamental antique sword. Although it was still early, the area was already busy with traders.
“Over there,” Kevin, the antiques market organiser, indicated to the young seller from London.
“The end gazebo, the empty one. And… mind yourself with that long thing.”
Stevie swash buckled his way to the allocated table inside the ‘tent’ and laid the rapier down, before going back to his car to unload the rest of his curious collectables.
Joe and Kath, who were renting a nearby pitch, acknowledged their companion’s presence, and Kath greeted him with, “…hey up duck, hope you are alright.”
There was no audible reply from Stevie, just a smirk, and as he moved out of earshot, Joe whispered to his business partner, “I hate that arrogant bugger.”
“Me too,” Kath nodded. “I wouldn’t buy any of his stuff if you paid me. All those skulls and dark paintings showing naked men fighting… and those weird cross-eyed, taxidermied animals… I wonder what his home looks like? Dusty and gloomy, I would imagine.”
Kath carried on unloading her hatchback, being careful to avoid eye contact with Stevie. But, just as she was placing a box of old books onto the cobblestones by their gazebo, she was startled. Stevie had rushed past her in his BMW convertible and pulled up sharp, with the intention of trying to park in a small space opposite hers and Joe’s pitch. Stevie advanced, then reversed several times, but the car still wasn’t in alignment with the curb and the back end protruded a good metre and a half out from the two cars on either side.
“I think with a bit more manoeuvring, Stevie, you could just about fit it in,” Kath opined, trying hard not to laugh. “After all, you are sticking out quite a bit now. The way your car is angled will mean that customers will find it hard accessing our stall.”
That did it! The indignant, red-faced man slapped his hands down hard on the steering wheel, pulled out the ignition key and walked off shouting: “Sod off! It can bloody well stay there now!”
Kath looked at Joe in resignation, but he just shrugged his shoulders; feeling that there was little he could do.
Feeling flustered, Stevie muttered to himself, then turned back and sniggered: “Yeah! I’ve left you loads of room for your punters, ‘aven’t I!”
“The bastard!” Joe remarked.
“He’s a total idiot,” Kath added, as they carried on arranging their items.
After ruminating for a few minutes, Kath had come to a decision. “I’m going to scratch his precious car… don’t say anything, Joe! And… I’m going to cut a hole in his rear window, too!”
The little sports car had seen better days. The plastic window to the rear of the canvas top was already split and taped up in several places. But then Kath thought the wiser and decided she had better not do any damage; with all the CCTV cameras that were placed around the square she was sure to be caught and that would be embarrassing!
The rest of the day was pleasant; the sun shone and the pair made some substantial sales, but Kath was still sore at Stevie for being so inconsiderate and mean to her and Joe. She ruminated, biding her time for revenge.
At 3pm - the designated pack-up time - Kath had an idea; keeping it from Joe, she watched and waited. Then, while she carefully wrapped up their unsold items and placed them back in crates, she kept a watchful eye on Stevie as he moved back and forth to his car with numerous boxes. Just as he was about to leave, Kath made her move. She jumped into her car, swiftly executed a U-turn, then reversed towards the gazebo, immediately impeding Stevie’s exit. He was getting ready to kick up the ignition, when he checked his rearview mirror.
“You can’t do this!” he yelled. “You are blocking me in!”
“We won’t be long, mate,” Kath lied; she knew that she would dawdle as long as she dared.
“But we’d be quicker if you gave us a hand...”
“Not bloody likely.”
Joe chuckled, raising a hand to cover his smile. Stevie leapt out of his car, and set off towards the market organiser.
Kevin arrived on the scene a few minutes later, accompanied by a blustering Stevie.
“It’s okay boss, we won’t be long…” Kath assured him, nodding her intent.
“Course you won’t – I can vouch for that,” Kevin said, smiling as he turned to face Stevie.
“Look lad, don’t get so agitated; she won’t be a moment. Just be patient.” He patted the young fellow on the back, but, just as he was about to walk away, he turned sharply and pointed to Stevie’s car. “You didn’t park up very well this morning, did you? Look how your car’s poking out into the road.”
Shamefaced Stevie didn’t reply, preferring to retreat back into his car and start messaging on his phone.
Kath smirked; she knew that she had played her cards just right and took great delight in his fuming.
Finally, just as Kath and Joe were about to leave, Stevie popped his head out of the car window and shouted across to the pair: “So… tit-for-tat it is then, you little devils! Just you wait and see what I’ve got in store for you next!”
But he didn’t count on Kevin overhearing. Without letting a moment pass, the market organiser had written a note and placed it under the windscreen wipers.
“Wh… what the…?” Stevie stuttered, shocked at the scene that was playing out in front of his eyes.
“You’re banned, lad,” Kevin said, pointing to the note he had just written. “From every antique fair in the district, too. We can’t have such threats and accusations flying about! These two I have known for donkey’s years. We have a good mix of traders coming here, from all over the country, but we don’t put up with any nonsense. It contravenes Rule 1.2.7a of our trading contract that you’ve all had to sign before pitching up. A piece of advice, lad – stick with online trading!”
Kath and Joe nearly fell down laughing as Stevie drove away in the wrong gear. They felt relieved that they wouldn’t be seeing him again. What’s more, with all the fuss, he had left without packing away his ornamental sword. Kath picked it up from the cobblestones.
“What do you think, Joe?”
“Worth a few bob is what I think and… you know what they say… Finders Keepers!”
They carried on laughing – their day kept getting better and better!
